It's been a while...

I often feel that agony is the reason we keep headed in the direction that life has handed to us. Every day we live in agony over the the things that we simply cannot control. I drive my car in hopes that I make it to my destination; it is the agony of the worst happening during that drive that gets me to where I must be. 

I often feel that it is the danger of being alive that truly allows me to be the person I am today. We tiptoe around the corners of everyday life, praying that what lies on the other side will be welcoming. The true meaning of life can only be interpreted as waiting for the other ball to drop. 

I often feel that when backed in a corner our only defensive is to dig downwards instead of pushing our way out. An example of this would be when consciously knowing the words that are flowing from your mouth will effect the rest of your future, still no matter how hard you try you cannot stop speaking. It is within those words that the meaning of our life is slavery as well as freedom.

I stop to look back on decades, years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds only to find that I have not changed at all. It is the world around me that has, and no matter how hard I try I wait patiently for the world around me to catch up. It's a constant reminder that we are who we are when we are born. Change is as frequent as the image of your face in the mirror transforming into another face. 

I often think that my way out is through the open door; the door that has swung back and forth for years, upon years, upon years.  It is a sad realization that not only is that door the only way out, it is the entrance to the past, present, and future; a space and time that are all interchangeable and irrelevant.

I often think the only thing relevant is yourself. And I turn to look at myself in a puddle rippled by the wind only to see my face moving with its waves.