It's been a while...

I often feel that agony is the reason we keep headed in the direction that life has handed to us. Every day we live in agony over the the things that we simply cannot control. I drive my car in hopes that I make it to my destination; it is the agony of the worst happening during that drive that gets me to where I must be. 

I often feel that it is the danger of being alive that truly allows me to be the person I am today. We tiptoe around the corners of everyday life, praying that what lies on the other side will be welcoming. The true meaning of life can only be interpreted as waiting for the other ball to drop. 

I often feel that when backed in a corner our only defensive is to dig downwards instead of pushing our way out. An example of this would be when consciously knowing the words that are flowing from your mouth will effect the rest of your future, still no matter how hard you try you cannot stop speaking. It is within those words that the meaning of our life is slavery as well as freedom.

I stop to look back on decades, years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds only to find that I have not changed at all. It is the world around me that has, and no matter how hard I try I wait patiently for the world around me to catch up. It's a constant reminder that we are who we are when we are born. Change is as frequent as the image of your face in the mirror transforming into another face. 

I often think that my way out is through the open door; the door that has swung back and forth for years, upon years, upon years.  It is a sad realization that not only is that door the only way out, it is the entrance to the past, present, and future; a space and time that are all interchangeable and irrelevant.

I often think the only thing relevant is yourself. And I turn to look at myself in a puddle rippled by the wind only to see my face moving with its waves. 

I Pulled Over For A Moment

I had to pull over to write this...

In a moment of absolute clarity I realized something that I had never realized before.
I realized the different tastes between sour and sweet.
I realized that without experiencing both one could never know the definition of the other.
I realized that without tasting and learning what is truly sour and what is truly sweet is a life wasted.
I realized...
We must flourish in the harsh reality that life is bitter/sweet.
That life is full of colors that can not only stand out on their own but when combined can create a color that can never be described, only felt.
This is why I pulled over. This is why I live. This is life.

Midterm

I stretch my arms for what feels like an eternity of muscles moving back and forth through space and time

I breath in deep as to relax my faded mind that has melted over time. It's useless matter sits in my head taking up space and collecting dust.

I close my eyes that bleed the words on the pages of my thoughts. They are tight and stop me from focusing on what is real.

I open my ears to the music that beats from drum to drum. It creates a sound unlike those from human instruments.

It isn't long before I drift away into the abyss that I call philosophy. Pondering the moment that I awaken from a slumber I have been destined to be in.

Before I know it the time has passed and the midterm of life is over and retreat into my leather jacket made from artificial threads.

I take comfort in it.